‘Truth is stranger than fiction’. This cheesy statement has been taken a bit too seriously by Indian news channels.
At a time when half the world is going through economic crisis, other half fighting other countries or natural disasters, the last thing I would want to know about is, “Do aliens drink cow’s milk?” Yes, this is what exactly the headline below says:
Yes, why not, they drink cow’s milk and all the shit they excrete later is transmitted to our homes by your channel!
I wonder if the people in the news industry wrote the scripts of our movies, they would be much more imaginative and creative. But it is too easy to copy from Hollywood but too necessary to ‘create’ out of the box news.
Just a few days back, I stumbled upon the reportedly fastest news channel of India. It is fast indeed. Reporting events that have happened in the past is too mainstream for them. So they had this overweight man called ‘Astro Uncle’, who looked like a huge tomato, finding something amusing in the problems of his each viewer and telling them how to change the grand plan of the universe “effectively”.
Just have a look at him. And then imagine he knows your future. I think the only thing your future will then consist of is – Calories and Cholesterol!
But no, I’ll share one of his solutions that I had to unfortunately hear and I can’t stand to see you spared.
If you want to marry but are unable to find a suitable match, don’t bother to meet new people or just concentrate on your career. “You must keep 10 cashew nuts under your pillow before going to sleep and you’ll find a match in one month”!
Really? Dude, you have the guts to sound so foolish on national television? And you, the cute newsreader, okay, I won’t say much to you because you are cute, but you are a NEWSreader !
AND THEN, HOW CAN I FORGET OUR FAVORITE NEWS ANCHOR? (This is how he whispers). The guy didn’t learn one thing in his journalism classes and is the editor of another fastest news channel (And they say, India has a lack of opportunities)! Though I am sure he is able to do this:
I remember one episode of his show, Frankly Shouting *coughs* Frankly Speaking where he calls a shitty politician to whom no one pays attention to. There, as always the anchor asks a question declares his judgement and then both of them start the competition to see whose vocal cords are stronger. Annoyed, I was about to change the channel when a voice echoed ‘Arnab, YOU DUMBO’ ! Yes, that’s how the two pillars of the world’s largest democracy address each other. Whatever, it was funny and they managed to secure a viewer after a shitty politician told a shitty anchor that how shitty he is.
To continue with the creative people in news industry, I have this guy:
Here, he is probably telling about a stray dog barking in the night but he has this talent to make an event that simple to a life-threatening one. You found that movie scary? You must see this guy. He’ll redefine horror to you when he speaks with his peculiar high pitched voice at midnight.
To conclude, please don’t judge the people of a country by its media.
The Uncertainty Principle 