Newsreaders, you are not ought to be creative!

‘Truth is stranger than fiction’. This cheesy statement has been taken a bit too seriously by Indian news channels.

At a time when half the world is going through economic crisis, other half fighting other countries or natural disasters, the last thing I would want to know about is, “Do aliens drink cow’s milk?” Yes, this is what exactly the headline below says:Alien-gai-ka-dudhYes, why not, they drink cow’s milk and all the shit they excrete later is transmitted to our homes by your channel!

I wonder if the people in the news industry wrote the scripts of our movies, they would be much more imaginative and creative. But it is too easy to copy from Hollywood but too necessary to ‘create’ out of the box news.

Just a few days back, I stumbled upon the reportedly fastest news channel of India. It is fast indeed. Reporting events that have happened in the past is too mainstream for them. So they had this overweight man called ‘Astro Uncle’, who looked like a huge tomato, finding something amusing in the problems of his each viewer and telling them how to change the grand plan of the universe “effectively”.
pawanjiJust have a look at him. And then imagine he knows your future. I think the only thing your future will then consist of is – Calories and Cholesterol!
But no, I’ll share one of his solutions that I had to unfortunately hear and I can’t stand to see you spared.
If you want to marry but are unable to find a suitable match, don’t bother to meet new people or just concentrate on your career. “You must keep 10 cashew nuts under your pillow before going to sleep and you’ll find a match in one month”!
Really? Dude, you have the guts to sound so foolish on national television? And you, the cute newsreader, okay, I won’t say much to you because you are cute, but you are a NEWSreader !

AND THEN, HOW CAN I FORGET OUR FAVORITE NEWS ANCHOR? (This is how he whispers). The guy didn’t learn one thing in his journalism classes and is the editor of another fastest news channel (And they say, India has a lack of opportunities)! Though I am sure he is able to do this:
Arnab-Goswami-9I remember one episode of his show, Frankly Shouting *coughs* Frankly Speaking where he calls a shitty politician to whom no one pays attention to. There, as always the anchor asks a questionΒ  declares his judgement and then both of them start the competition to see whose vocal cords are stronger. Annoyed, I was about to change the channel when a voice echoed ‘Arnab, YOU DUMBO’ ! Yes, that’s how the two pillars of the world’s largest democracy address each other. Whatever, it was funny and they managed to secure a viewer after a shitty politician told a shitty anchor that how shitty he is.

To continue with the creative people in news industry, I have this guy:
hqdefault (1)Here, he is probably telling about a stray dog barking in the night but he has this talent to make an event that simple toΒ a life-threatening one. You found that movie scary? You must see this guy. He’ll redefine horror to you when he speaks with his peculiar high pitched voice at midnight.

To conclude, please don’t judge the people of a country by its media.

59 thoughts on “Newsreaders, you are not ought to be creative!

  1. Kritika Vashist May 29, 2015 / 7:05 pm

    I don’t trust you anymore, Prateek. You accidentally/intentionally watched India tv today? :O
    Venting out was done quite well and in a fun way.
    I’m still glad that they found something apart from swarg ke seedhi πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    • Prateek Kohli May 29, 2015 / 7:09 pm

      Haha I am glad to know you trusted me earlier πŸ˜€
      And they are really too “kewl” to find something interesting enough related to Earth.
      It’s been more than two weeks since I am at home and a whole month before my job starts. I am dying of boredom. So I even watched this today:

      Liked by 2 people

      • Kritika Vashist May 30, 2015 / 12:05 pm

        Oh my goodness! You don’t seem to fine at all, but hey? You can join me, since you know we are sought of handle boredom doing crazy things πŸ˜€
        Watch movies, go places, visit galleries, f things to do!
        Thanks for the video. *Nostalgic* ^_^

        Liked by 1 person

      • Prateek Kohli May 31, 2015 / 8:25 pm

        something and someone πŸ˜›
        Let me know then whenever you get time. Because I have no shortage of it.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Prateek Kohli May 31, 2015 / 8:39 pm

        User of Vodafone. Always happy to help. Kar hi lo ab toh plan πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

      • Kritika Vashist May 31, 2015 / 8:59 pm

        We will plan that. I surely want to kill some πŸ˜›

        By the way, I am half asleep while typing this, so I should be going to bed now. I read your comment on the post. I want to reply decently, so that would be tomorrow. πŸ˜›
        Goodnight, PIC! πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • Prateek Kohli May 31, 2015 / 9:03 pm

        Haha don’t worry about the replies. Good night to you too, PIC (I had to google it)

        Liked by 1 person

      • Prateek Kohli June 1, 2015 / 5:26 am

        I googled it right then πŸ˜€
        More than glad to be one πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  2. izza ifzaal May 29, 2015 / 7:35 pm

    Hahahahha! !! Laughed my ass off. Thankyou Prateek *takes a bow *
    I was in a dire need of a heartily laugh & yahan bhe yehe kuch hai lol bas all tv anchors exaggerate too much & seriously nothing is real. .They are just try to make money by these balderdash ways :3

    Liked by 1 person

      • izza ifzaal May 29, 2015 / 7:40 pm

        Hahah yoo :p

        Liked by 1 person

  3. janhavi1916 May 29, 2015 / 7:37 pm

    Very well articulated…..

    Indian journalism is more about intrusion in personal lives of VIP’s than any logical information….

    And when the concerned refuse to comment they are labelled as arrogant and conserved.

    What can be more apt? “Til ka taad banana” is what they do in reality.
    On one side we here want to eradicate superstitions from our belief system, but at the very other end we get something like ” manglik dosha se kaise bache?”
    I mean ssly are you kidding me?

    I guess that is what is democracy “the
    ability to talk nonsense everyday” and then get paid for it….

    Liked by 1 person

    • Prateek Kohli May 29, 2015 / 7:49 pm

      Thank you so much, Janhavi for the insightful comment. I second you on this and the competition for TRPs has really resulted in the loss of good journalism.
      Just a few days back, I was discussing with a couple of friends whether the monetization of news is corroding the real free speech as every channel and newspaper is now owned by corporate giants who directly or indirectly survive because of certain political groups.
      And when, they are paid to hide news, aliens and manglik dosh take their slots.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. caughtintheclouds May 29, 2015 / 8:18 pm

    I had no idea of your humor and disdain for Indian media! Kept me in hysterics! Awesome job!! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Prateek Kohli May 29, 2015 / 8:24 pm

      They do their best to deserve the disdain πŸ˜€
      Thank you so much for letting me know. I’ll try me best to continue the effect πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Pratik Akkawar May 29, 2015 / 8:30 pm

    haha, basically they all are entertainment channels and not news channels!
    I rarely spend much time on these channels but I do spend half and hour to get some laugh when they arrange discussions on some strange and unnecessary events/issues, I mean the nonsense they talk is something that we could only laugh at.
    Spot on, good one! πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Prateek Kohli May 29, 2015 / 9:44 pm

      Haha! I am glad you liked it, Pratik. I completely agree with you that they compete quite fiercely with the entertainment channels.
      Though, just to add another side of the coin, anchor Ravish, who comes on NDTV Primetime shows that there still is some sanity left. πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      • Pratik Akkawar May 29, 2015 / 10:17 pm

        yeah, ndtv has maintain it’s reputation to some extent amongst all.


  6. whimsical90 May 29, 2015 / 9:34 pm

    Hahaha…humans gay ka doodh peete hain..:D..nice instances you have picked..good one Prateek! N you always have the option to switch channels when the tomato guy comes up.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Prateek Kohli May 29, 2015 / 9:40 pm

      Haha! Thank you, Roopam. And yes, though I had the option, but a certain connection with the tomato stopped me from doing that. He and the anchor might have found it mean πŸ˜›

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Beth May 30, 2015 / 1:26 am

    That’s so funny:0). I decided to not spend money on cable TV a few years ago (occasionally some crazy person in the U.S. shoots his TV set with a shotgun and I was starting to see how this made sense with the kind of programming and nonsense TV’s seem to be spewing into our houses:0))).

    We drive to the nearest city just eat at a favorite Indian restaurant, but all they have on the TV’s are Bollywood music videos. Maybe someday they’ll play real TV from India, as it sounds pretty entertaining:0).

    Liked by 1 person

    • Prateek Kohli May 30, 2015 / 4:57 am

      Haha! The idiot box is surely living upto its name. The owners of the restaurant surely know how to save their TV sets from being shot.
      Yes, sparing a couple of anchors, who are now too old to give a ‘sensational’ touch to everything they hear, everyone else is playing their part to degrade journalism.
      We usually have to watch BBC for the real news about India πŸ˜€
      Thank you so much for taking the time out to read and such a lovely comment πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Pooja Mehta May 30, 2015 / 5:00 am

    reality With humor.
    Bhartiya NEWS = Lot of drama behind nothing or khabar bali baat par bas char line

    Liked by 1 person

    • Prateek Kohli May 30, 2015 / 6:18 pm

      News channels are like Professor Utonium (from powerpuff girls). “Mithas, masala, aur baki sabkuch daala” πŸ˜›

      Liked by 1 person

      • Pooja Mehta May 30, 2015 / 6:23 pm

        so true and what about Maulana Fazlur Rehman’s statement.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Prateek Kohli May 30, 2015 / 6:29 pm

        About women wearing jeans causing earthquakes?
        Creative ideas overflowing everywhere!
        Maulana : Yar kuchh naya chaiye controversy ke liye.
        A wannabe maulana : Arre sir, ek na kaam karte hain, jeans ko earthquakes se jod dete hain. Dekho general awareness bhi ho gayi ki earthquakes fashion me hain, sexism bhi ho gaya, out of the box bhi ho gaya. Perfect recipe hai sir headlines me aane ki! Trending ho jaoge twitter pe !

        Liked by 1 person

      • Pooja Mehta May 30, 2015 / 6:32 pm

        Hahaaha πŸ˜€ still i am laughing like anything
        Apke sense of humor badi achi hai
        And my serious wala comment
        Women wear jeans= earth quacks
        Ur(Maulana Fazlur Rehman) statement= destruction of galaxy,
        Please ask him, from where he was take birth, from a woman’s womb, or just dropped from the sky or some where else.
        Please think thrice before giving any public statement.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Prateek Kohli May 30, 2015 / 6:40 pm

        Very true. I think the best way to tackle this kind of people is to deprive them of what they desperately need – publicity. They speak because they know people will listen. It is the collective responsibility of people to boycott these ignorant men.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Aakansha May 30, 2015 / 4:15 pm

    I laughed so hard at the ASTRO UNCLE part. I’ve seen that too! XD

    And Arnab gets on my nerves as well. Loved this post!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Prateek Kohli May 30, 2015 / 7:05 pm

      My condolences to you! I wonder why he wants the expensive cashews to be wasted! Probably his doctor proscribed them and he can’t stand anyone else eating them.
      His comment on nuts drives me nuts πŸ˜›
      Also, thank you for showering your love on the post πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

    • Prateek Kohli May 30, 2015 / 8:55 pm

      Haha! I just came to know about this after publishing this post. People in US are shooting their television sets! If Osama would have been alive, he would have said this after watching our news : “That’s why I bomb people” πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

      • barrira May 31, 2015 / 6:50 pm

        hahahah man xD let’s not talk about Osama, we might be thrown in prison cells πŸ˜›

        Liked by 1 person

      • Prateek Kohli May 31, 2015 / 6:52 pm

        Haha oh yes ! @All stalking agencies : I was just being mazaakiya πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

  10. InkMode May 31, 2015 / 10:10 am

    The society provides the media with facts…
    The media provides the society with fiction…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Prateek Kohli May 31, 2015 / 9:13 pm

      Well said! I hope the trend ends before it is too late. Thank you for reading πŸ™‚


      • InkMode June 1, 2015 / 3:27 am

        It might…nevertheless, something unusual will always be new in town.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Prateek Kohli June 2, 2015 / 6:43 pm

        I second you on that πŸ™‚
        Also, why can’t I comment on your posts? :/ They are wonderful πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      • InkMode June 3, 2015 / 4:04 am

        Prateek, U made my day with your kind words..Thank u πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

  11. petite poetries and more May 31, 2015 / 5:52 pm

    Oh my goodness! That was a fun read, Prateek. I couldn’t stop myself laughing as I came all along the post. πŸ˜€ India tv is the most useful channel, you’ll get every news there except about the world humans live in. πŸ˜› And you are completely correct about those ‘sansani’ episodes, I wish hollywood films could learn to create horror like him. πŸ˜€ *teary laughs*


  12. brunda bru June 1, 2015 / 4:53 pm

    hahah that was so funny,especially the one where the aliens drink cow’s milk…I’m hysterics now!!really seriously???man Indian television got to think straight!!They are pushing the line of nonsense way too much,no news?then make a nonsense into news!!And that fellow who keeps screaming and never concludes,he needs a doctor!! I worry about his heart-rate most of the time…and yes there is no scarce in the baba magic that they profoundly would have learnt somewhere under the tree enlightened by God himself,people believe less in newton and believe a ton on these jokers!!phew anyway great post:) loved it:)

    Liked by 1 person

    • Prateek Kohli June 2, 2015 / 8:05 pm

      Haha your post was equally lovable. Thank you so much for it. I am glad you found it funny because that is something I always try to be *Feeling accomplished* πŸ˜€
      Also, you have got a great blog and will go through the posts in detail as soon as possible πŸ™‚
      Thank you, again!

      Liked by 1 person

      • brunda bru June 3, 2015 / 4:42 am

        you are accomplished:)your posts are humorous:) thanks πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Jane Goldsack June 7, 2015 / 10:06 pm

    Wonderful read; especially this:

    “Yes, why not, they drink cow’s milk and all the shit they excrete later is transmitted to our homes by your channel!”

    So true of channels everywhere. Thank you for the smiles. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    • Prateek Kohli June 10, 2015 / 6:04 pm

      Thank you so much, Jane for the lovely comment! It is heartening to know that the post became one of the reasons for your smile πŸ™‚
      Hope to see you here often πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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